Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
