so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
