I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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