I puked a lego.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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