K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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