Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
