Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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