By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize