THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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