i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
