i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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