Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
