I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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