If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
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You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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