Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Did I show you my penis last night?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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