Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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