Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
