So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
