Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
