The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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