i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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