Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
