I wish I could teleport
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
