I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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