My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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