My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
