I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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