You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
