there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
