the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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