I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
