i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
