look no pants
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
