this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
