I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
