8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Randomize
