Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
