What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
