Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
