i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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