I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
