Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
