i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
