Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
