I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
As shirtless as possible
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
