So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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