speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
