Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
