You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
