My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
