this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
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My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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