Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
