just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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