Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You need a sexual gate keeper
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
