Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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