Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
