Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
