you have to choose: penises or morals?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers