Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
