So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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