So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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